Making your scars into gold

There’s so much to say in this post that I’ll need to do it in several parts.  Let me start by saying that for four years, I’ve been doing morning calls with a handful of people four mornings a week for 30 minutes each time.  We’ve had some changes in folks, but the core four of us have been together for four years.  (Me, Rahim, Shelley, Trista) Napoleon Hill’s definition of a Master Mind group is:  “The coordination of knowledge and effort of two or more people, who work toward a definite purpose, in the spirit of harmony.”   Our purpose is that each of us grow into our powers and then bring them to the world.  I’ll share more about the group with another blog. This one I want to focus on a magical experience.

spinning wool

Each year we get together in person.  Two of us live in the same city but one other is in PA and one in MI so we meet once a year at someone’s house and spend several days together.  We opened our session this past weekend with the question “What do you want from the weekend?”  I responded that I wanted to heal the life times of sexual abuse and assault.  Sexual abuse across lifetimes  After I wrote the blog I just referenced, during an energy healing session, it became clear that at one time I was a perpetrator.  She saw me as a man wielding a sword.   So, my desire this weekend was to heal the cycle of paying for my initial perpetration.  To grieve for  being the violator and the violated and heal.

First, I need to tell you that all four of us are energy healers in our own way.  Only one of the four (Rahim) came to the call knowing he was a healer. The rest of us have learned and honed in the past years.  During the weekend we all took our turn on the table receiving energy healing from the three others at the same time.  Can I just tell you that receiving healing from three folks at the same time is freaking amazing!

When we started, I felt all three around me and I breathed in knowing I was safe to open myself to whatever came up.  The first thing that came were tears.  I found myself crying. I didn’t know the source I just felt the emotion.  When that stopped, I just kept presencing myself and breathing to keep myself from getting too much into my head.  (You see. I’m one of those people who starts thinking as I’m getting healings. I have to work to be with the energy sometimes.)  I felt someone tapping on my hands, wrist, elbow then feet.  I had no idea what was happening.  I just allowed it all to happen.

When we were done, Rahim told me he’d worked on my meridian points to desensitize my body to the trauma and stress.  He’d left them open to allow the trauma to dissipate over night and agreed we’d close them the next day.  At some point he said the goal is to turn the scar/ trauma into gold.  Trista told me about her experience of releasing my hand from the sword.  It was literally being shaken out of my hand.  Shelley told me about the vision of me holding something in my arms and being heart broken and that I’d put up a wall to protect my heart.  I asked her if it was a baby because I know I’ve lost children in past lives.   She wasn’t sure but she knew that I had a broken heart.  During the time, I had a vision of a book being opened and page upon page blowing away in the wind.  There were other things shared but these were the main things to share at this moment.

When I went to bed, I used crystals to keep me safe since we’d left me spiritually open.  I originally was going to protect myself from dreaming because I have very vivid and complex dreams and I was concerned about what would surface since I was open.  But as I got into bed, I decided to keep myself open.  I remember thinking, “if I scream or am upset, I’m with people I trust.”  I had some wild, wild dreams.  The most intriguing was  one that involved all four of us at a sleep over. (That’s pretty funny since we were all sleeping at the one house.)  At one point in the dream, Rahim was massaging my heart chakra which felt like a hard lump under my skin.   I woke up thinking “wow.  That was realllly interesting!”

The next evening. We did a fire ceremony and brought with us one thing we wanted to release.  Yes, I wanted to release anything that might be left from the lifetimes of abuse.  We started with a meditation and when we were each ready, we stood in front of the fire to release it.  My mediation was beautiful.  I reached to the healers who gather with me spiritually and energetically and asked for support.  A vision came of a golden thread being drawn out of my sacral chakra (One of the things the sacral chakra is associated with is sexuality and its expression.).  It was being spun on a wheel.  Then simultaneously, a blanket was being woven from the golden thread and I saw a pen writing in the gold.  I was clear that I was to bring forth healing and comfort with my writing and healing and my pain was being turned into gold.  It was a beautiful vision and the lighting and backdrop showed me that I was with the grandmothers of the earth. We were at the hearth.

You know. I can’t tell you if it’s gone. I will know over time.  I do know that on the second day, I felt as though I had space in my sacral area.  Not a gaping, open space but I felt as though a dark blob of energy had turned white.  It felt lighter.  I do know that whatever we did, it was another layer of the healing.  My healing is your healing.  The work we do not only heals us but helps to heal all.   Join me at     The larger we grow as a healing community the more energy we impact.

Posted in Reiki | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Animal Messages

Do you pay attention to the messages you receive through creatures?  It’s only been the past couple of years that I’ve begun to notice when I have unusual animal sightings.  Even though I live in a city”ish” area, we have a back yard that has regular animal visits.  I mean, it’s not uncommon for me to look out and see mama with this year’s fawn and last years baby.  (yearling, mama, baby from left to right in picture)  This picture was taking about a week ago.

three deer

BUT what about those unusual sightings that give you pause and have you take notice? Well, they have you take notice IF you pay attention.  For example, just a few days ago I was washing dishes and thinking about all the things I needed to do for my Pampered Chef business and growing my healing business and a hummingbird flew up to the window and then dropped down below to see if there was something delish in the flowers.  “OH… neat.”  I thought to myself.  THEN…. it flew up again and stuck it’s beak into the screen at me.  Yes. Yes it did.  I then said OHHHH you have a message for me.  Let me take a look and see what it is.


I proceeded to look up the meaning of the hummingbird.  (I use this on line site       or I use Animal Speak by Ted Andrews)   There’s a list of things that the hummingbird can mean but JOY stood out to me.  I was all mired down in my to do list and what there was to get done and I was standing there doing house work.  Doing. Doing. Doing.  The hummingbird came in to remind me to be in joy. To live in joy. To focus on joy.  I was reminded to stop getting bogged down in the doing of life and remember to live it.   Thank you!    Here’s another example from months ago.

I was just starting my day with a shower and doing my best thinking. (Don’t we all do great thinking in the bathroom.)  I was thinking that my business wasn’t where I wanted.  I didn’t have enough. I was standing in my bathroom on the second floor and I looked out the window and saw a turkey.  To be honest, I looked around my bathroom for a video camera to see if I was being punked.  Right?  It’s my bathroom. Why would there be a camera?  But I really was confused that I was seeing a turkey 20 feet from a city street.  I pressed my face to the window to look right and left and scan the area for others.  I then turned to see if my partner, Walter, was awake for me to tell.  He was not. I turned back and the turkey was gone.  Again, I searched.. left- right… scanned the area. It was gone.  Down I go to my book to look up what it means to see a turkey.  Abundance.


Of course. I was figuratively crying at the scarcity I seemed to be experiencing and a turkey showed up to remind me of my abundance.  I was reminded at how blessed I am in all I have and that I just need to believe I have enough and I will have enough.  I was reminded to have gratitude for my current abundance.  Thanks again for the reminder!

So, what messages are you getting from animals?  It’s not like every wren, sparrow, cat, dog or squirrel that passes through has a message.  As you begin to take note, you will begin to know when you are being given a message.  Try it out. Pay attention and then share with me  when you see something!

Posted in Reiki | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

September’s Monthly Reading

I get messages. We all do. Sometimes we listen and sometimes we don’t.  I got a message that I need to start doing a monthly reading and publishing it.  I wanted to say “NOPE”!  Using cards is new to me. I’m not comfortable with it etc.  Well, the only way to get comfortable with something is to do it, right?  So, here’s your September reading and me being vulnerable as I learn.   I utilized Doreen Virtue’s and Radleigh Valentine’s Fairy Tarot Deck.

September 2017 reading


September begins the season of change.  Many of you have been grappling with choices in love, relationships, life path and career.  We are in a season where it’s appropriate to let some things come to an end to allow others to blossom in the future.

The Lovers Card is telling you to make your choice from the heart.  Go within and ask “What is my heart’s desire?”  Quiet your mind and your intellectual need to know.  Sit in silence and breathe in and out and follow your breath.  Ask “What is my heart’s desire?” and then listen.  Be patient in listening.  If you haven’t been paying it mind, it might whisper at first. The indecision that you’ve been with lately has taken a toll on your emotional health.  It’s time to claim what you desire within your heart.

What if I can’t hear my heart?  The Moon Card encourages you to listen to guidance and receive messages from the universe, events (you know those synchronistic things that happen), animals and dreams.  Essentially- pay attention to what’s outside of you!  For those of you prone to worry (which adds to indecision) it’s time to set that aside.  Know you are loved and guidance is being given.  You just need to be still enough to use your senses- all of them- to receive the messages.

During the time of inquiry, you might find yourself “digging in” to work and figure it out. The Ten of Spring reminds you that all work and no play will have consequences.  Are you willing to note your messages from the universe but not ask for aid of others?  Instead of wearing your fingers to the proverbial bone all alone, ask your guides, angels and even other humans for help. Who is your tribe? This journey is not to be done alone.  Remember in allowing others to help you, you are helping them.

To recap: This month, as you face a choice and choose a path, be aware of the signs you are being given and seek council of those you trust.  Sorting through this burden you’ve been carrying will help your emotional and physical health.  It’s best to do this work now (but not alone.. remember- not alone) before you jeopardize your immune system as we head into the season of colds and flu.


Posted in healing, Reiki | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Emotional Outbursts

Part of my self care practice is to get acupuncture and energy work once a month.  Yesterday I had my acupuncture appointment.   As we started she asked “How are you?”  “I’m great overall but feeling emotional.”


The next thing I know I’m feeling the light touch of needles between the juncture of my toes on my left foot.  As the last needle goes in between my pinky and next toe, I burst into tears.   “What point is that????”   She told me that it was the one for emotional release.  “Well, it’s working I laughed/cried.”  It’s not uncommon for me to shed some tears during an appointment if we are releasing emotion but the abruptness of it was a surprise.  What she told me next was fascinating.  All her clients (and the clients of her co worker that day) had emotional outbursts.   She said between what was happening in our country and the upcoming solar eclipse it wasn’t a surprise.

I share this because I know I’m not alone. I know emotions are high.  My partner is a black man and as a white woman, I’ve learned a lot in our years together about a history that was not taught to me in school.  I’ve learned about the systemic racism and how racist I am.  As I watch what’s unfolding in our country and I see a leader speak in ways that incite my anger, hurt and fear, I know I need to work to release all of that so I can be clear headed and grounded.  Not only do I need this for me and those I love, I need it so I can help support my clients.

I’ll share with you one of the things I do when my emotions are high and I feel like I’m “in my head” or my energy is in the upper part of my body or I feel stuck or I feel scattered.  I literally get grounded.  If I can, I go outside barefoot and feel the earth under my feet.  I close my eyes and visualize myself being rooted where I stand.  In addition, I envision all that’s bothering me, weighing me down, stuck on me energetically sweeping down off of me and into the earth. I ask Mother Earth, Pachamama,  to take it and transmute that energy.  I ask for her support.

If I can’t get outside, I will do that visualization wherever I am.  Let me know when you try it how it goes.  Oh, and feel free to set up a distance or in person Reiki appointment with me. I can help you with that energy!  You deserve that support.   Join my FB Page to see what else is happening.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Get rid of the purple chair!

Messages from the other side, from the dead, from those who have crossed, people who have passed on- use whatever euphemisms you want- often raise the skeptic in folks.  I mean how can that possibly be true????  It can be true and it can also be helpful in healing.

Let me tell you one of the many stories I have about being the recipient of messages.  I’ve been going to see Wendy for probably close to 20 years.  I’ve heard from my grandmother, father, ex husband and many others.  The best story that I share with people who are skeptical happened about 15 or more years ago.

When I sat down with Wendy, she said “Get rid of the purple chair in your office. Your grandmother says it doesn’t belong there.  It’s not a work chair.”  Ok. To be fair, this shockingly neon purple rolling chair probably wasn’t really business like in a black leather sort of way.  But when did my grandmother become an interior designer?  Obviously- on the other side.  I took the chair out of my office and put it in what we fondly called “the sewing room”.

purple chair

I went six months later or so and Wendy says “Your grandmother wants to know why you still have that purple chair.”  All I could do was laugh.  Obviously, it wasn’t about the chair in the office. It was the chair’s mere existence!  What I didn’t tell you is that I was living in what had once been my grandparents’ house.  Apparently this purple chair was an egregious affront to the decor.  (It was rather garish.) I donated the chair to the church auction and it was never mentioned in any further sessions.

Why do I tell you this funny story?  One because it’s funny. Two because Wendy had never been to the house and had never seen the chair. It was prior to social media so no pictures were even posted of it!  Thirdly because messages from those who have crossed over bring peace to many.

Just today I spoke with someone who went to see a medium after her father passed.  She’d been struggling with the grief and had some questions.  The medium she used shared some facts that made it clear it was her father who was communicating and then proceeded to clear up some concerns the daughter had.  She shared with me that the messages she received have helped her heal.

Can you imagine the hearts that could heal if we more easily and readily communicated with and listened to the messages sent to us from the other side?  How many people die with things unsaid.  Doesn’t it make sense to utilize those who are gifted in this form of communication for connection and healing?  When I first started working with Wendy, I was clear that I wanted a connection with my father but I couldn’t speak “spirit language”.   I still am not fluent in the communication.  I’m working on it and with practice will continue to get better.  In the meantime, I will continue to connect with those who are abled and allow the messages to come my way!

Posted in healing | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I don’t hear you… nah nah nah

As I ended a recent Reiki treatment with a first timer and finished sharing the messages I was asked to deliver, I asked “What did you think?”

The response “It was nice but it was disappointing. I didn’t get my questions answered.”

I looked, smiled and cocked my head to the side.  Then she proceeded to say “Well, I was told… and she listed the things I’d told her.”

I said “yes, you see.  You were given the answers- just not in the way you wanted them.”

How often does that happen to us?  We ask spirit, our angels and guides for an answer and we receive a message but because it’s not delivered in the way we wanted it, we dismissed it.  We claim we didn’t get the message.  We are like kids with fingers in our ears saying “I don’t hear you.. nah nah nah”  We humans, in all our glory, are really funny.  I imagine the spirit world laughs and shakes heads at us regularly.

I remember watching the Oprah show years and years ago and she was talking about getting messages.  I don’t remember the exact words but they were something like “First you get a pebble, then a rock, then a brick, then the whole stone house”.  Is there a reason for us to wait for that brick house?  Nope.  But we DO!    stone butterfly

We are in that relationship that doesn’t work, a job that doesn’t work, a toxic friendship, an unhealthy pattern of any sort and we are waiting for a sign as we sit in the cesspool of it all.  Tuning into our intuition and separating our logical minds is surely a challenge.  It’s worth the work though.  Things hum when we listen.  No, not literally hum- as in a sound but life hums. It’s smooth and seamless when we are on the right path.  I don’t mean it’s without challenges.  I mean we are given signs that the path is correct when what we are doing aligns with our highest good.

Are you sitting in a cesspool waiting for a sign and you’ve already gotten it?  Shhhh- listen.

Join my FB community:

Posted in healing, Reiki | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Shit. It hurts sometimes.

Healing isn’t always easy. Who am I kidding?  It’s rarely easy in the moment.  There are times when the desire IS to rip off the band aid but what’s underneath is just so freaking raw.

band aid

Awhile back, I posted about coming to believe that I’ve been sexually assaulted, abused or had inappropriate sexual advances in not only this life but many past lives.  Here’s the original post.  Sexual abuse across lifetimes  When I went into my most recent energy healing appointment, it was one of the things I wanted to work on because carrying the memories of these lives around is having an impact.  I know the hip and sacral issues I’m having are partly due to this history and it’s time to heal.

It’s hard to explain what Sue does when she works but when she was done and we talked she said “I saw you way back in mid evil times- or around there- as a man wielding a sword. At one point you were the perpetrator.  We then went on to talk about the healing is about forgiving myself as the perpetrator and the victim.

I left that appointment utterly wiped out and exhausted. I felt as though I could have curled up into a fetal position and slept for days.   I don’t know what I did while wielding that sword but my intuition was that I had a lot of guilt around it and chose life time after life time to place myself in the situation to be the victim to pay the price for what I’d done.  Maybe not pay the price but experience the other side of the sword.  Whether or not I used the sword as a power source to make women (and men) submit or used it just for killing others probably doesn’t matter.   If a sword can be symbolic of male genetalia, it would make sense that I’d choose to be sexually victimized over and over again in lives going forward.

So now what do I do?  The light has been shown.  I can’t claim to see the whole circle because I had no idea about part of my past until yesterday.  Every past life experience I’ve had thus far has only shown me women.  Who knows how many other cycles are in there.  What I do know is that there’s some forgiveness to happen. I’ll admit, I haven’t figured out how to forgive myself for being young and the object of inappropriate sexual activities.  I haven’t figured out how to forgive myself for being a teenager who was on the receiving end of sexual advances from a friend’s father.  I haven’t figured out how to forgive myself as the victim.  I can easily see forgiving perpetration  but not victim.

As I write this, I know there is work to be done.  This writing is the first step to see that I don’t know.  Next will be finding out the how.  Meditation. Energy work. I’m clear the universe will show me the next step.  I keep getting guided.  I’m open to what’s next and blessed in the journey but, shit, it hurts to rip off that band aid and have light shine on that wound.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment