Dreams and nightmares

One of my growth partners along the way told me that dreams are unopened letters if we don’t listen to them.  Part of this spiritual journey has opened me up to more vivid dreams. When I say vivid, I mean colorful, full, robust dreams- that are beautiful, fun or frightening.  Last night’s was one filled with fright. It was asking me to take a look at something.  I write to solidify the dream and experience and lesson.

parking garage

I pulled into a parking garage with two leaders in my Direct sales team.  One was driving (Laura), one was in the passenger seat (Paula) and I was in the back seat.  As we pulled in, I heard ominous music and sensed some negativity. I saw a large, tall shadow lurking.  We pulled up past where my car was and I was attempting to get Paula out and going so we could get both of us to our cars.   Laura just kept rambling on about something until I said something about the trouble we were in and we needed to go NOW!

Paula and I walked to my car and as we did I saw two people walking down the steps. They appeared to be dressed in high school cheerleading outfits.  She was in a yellow checkered skirt (just got it looked like a flag in a race) and he was in a typical cheerleading gym suit.  There was that sense of fear when I first saw them but then a relief when I saw what they were wearing- as if there was no danger there.  Then I heard the music again and was aware of a tall dark shadow moving in our direction.  I hurried Paula to my car, opened the door and she crawled across the seat to the passenger’s side.  Just as I was about to get in, the tall man- he became a man by this point- had caught up to me.  I was able to get into the car but my hand was shaking and I wasn’t able to get the key in the ignition and the door wasn’t closed yet.

As I was trying to insert the key, he was reaching across and taking the key out.  I fought him and tried again as my hand shook.  He was simultaneously fighting my hand and standing up looking at my car decal saying.  “OH- so you must be Yvette. Chef Yvette?  (and the voice was a sneering, snide voice).  And what makes YOU think you are so good? Who do you think you are?”  Then I was able to get my key in the ignition but the car would go no where and he pulled me out of the car.  As I was being pulled out, I managed to get out of the dream and found myself gasping for breath from the fear.

I asked my partner to come to bed and just hold me to ground me back in this world.  I laid there crying telling him about this fear filled dream of darkness. I was trying to process the what, the why, the meaning.  It was fresh in my brain.   I was talking about an experience I’d had earlier in the day that reminded me of high school (the cheerleaders in the dream) and thinking it had to do with that.  Then he said “Can I share what I got? (He’s also very intuitive.)  Why are you afraid of being big?  I don’t mean physically big.  Like, big in success.  What is in your way?  I think you should draw some cards tomorrow to get some clarity.”

It made sense. I’d just shared with my leader team several hours earlier (two of whom were in the dream) that I wanted us to go to the next level as an organization.  I’d shared what I needed to do for that and what we needed as a team.  It’s big and bold and puts me back on the map.  Yeah. That made sense.

Ahhh now I know why  I’m blogging this. As I’m writing though, the other piece revealing itself is that I’ve been doing work these past weeks to create a website and build my reiki business. I’m a healer and it’s part of why I’m here on this earth.  And that I do really question “Who do you think you are?” I share a bit about it in this blog post.   A Little Birdie Told Me     Now let me share with you the cards I drew and see where they fit.

I have many decks. The one deck I chose was the Surrender and Release deck by Doreen Virtue. There were three that decided they wanted to be shown.

  1. Surrender to Passion: Get out of your head and feel the fire in your belly.  Focus on the people or activities that ignite your passion, and let it flow.
  2. Surrender to Play: Take a break from overthinking a goal. Do something fun. Play is a time of recreation and rejuvenation.
  3. Surrender to What-is: Flow with what-is instead of fighting it. When you can’t change a situation, compassionately accepting it exactly as it is will bring you peace.

My reality is that these cards fit both situations.  I’ve been hesitant to be bold, go forward and live with gusto in both of the arenas.  I’m been hunkered down (like hidden in a garage below ground).  I have cheerleaders in my life in both arenas who are supporting me in moving forward.  Now that this voice- this fear- has been brought out I can shed light on it, thank it for sharing and move into the passion.  I can feel the fire in my belly and I can surrender to what-is.  I guess we’ll see how that goes in future posts. It’s a journey so I’m sure it’ll have many hidden wonders.

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