The Ask

Life is about communication, isn’t it?  Whether we are the giver or the receiver OR both how we communicate matters.  I had a recent experience where I really got to see this in action.  For some of you who have been in relationships and marriages forever- or for a long time- this might seem obvious or, perhaps, it might have you think about how you ask.

I approached my partner, Walter, with something I wanted to do that would impact him- have guests in for three days.  Not just any guests but some guests that I collaborate with  and that I’ve been working with for about four years. We speak four mornings a week and encourage each other toward our goals and all of us have come into our own with energy work. Needless to say they are a special group.  We get together once a year because we are geographically hundreds of miles away. I wanted to host this year.

This gathering is quite sacred.  We talk, laugh, and do energy healings for one another.  I knew how the weekend would work. I knew how we and I would take care of Walter so he felt included and he wouldn’t feel like an outsider in our house.  I knew it and it was all in my head.  In my head was where it stayed when I approached Walter with the “ask”.  Is it any surprise that there wasn’t an opened armed “YES!”?  I was taken aback that he wasn’t an automatic okay.  Funny, right?  We left it that he would think about it.

Yes, I did stew.  I didn’t understand his hesitancy because I could see it clearly. I knew the impact would be minimal knowing what I know about how the group works and how our house works.  It struck me the next day that what I hadn’t communicated was how it would look and how he would be taken care of so he didn’t feel like a prisoner in his own home. Yes, yes. I tried that when I was defending it but I didn’t do it when I had asked. Then I had the ah ha that I would ask for a do over.

The next night at dinner, I said “I’d like to try something again” as I went into my request with him in mind.  When I was done, I asked if that felt better to him.  Of course it did because I’d done it in a way that honored him. I’d communicated in a way that honored him and our relationship.  That’s the purpose of sharing this story.  Where is it that we don’t honor the relationship when we communicate?  Where don’t we honor ourselves when we communicate with ourselves? We often hear “You wouldn’t talk to another person like you talk to yourself.”  However, we don’t heed that, do we?  So, this communication with Walter had me take a look at how I communicate with myself and others.  Where do I need to honor myself more and how do I do that and how can I do that with others as well.

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