It seems as though I take one step forward and two steps back. I’d prefer it be two forward and one back. At least then I’d be making progress. Maybe I am doing the latter. I can’t tell sometimes.
Intellectually I know that eating cleaner and losing the processed and white foods will clear my connection to the spirit world and my “dual citizenship” of which I’ve written before. I think I had one month in my life when I was clean from all of those things but I wasn’t actively working to connect spiritually so I don’t know if it had an impact.
So I dabble. I dabble with the gluten free- which my body has requested via one of the energy healers in my life. The sugar- not happening yet. I go gluten free for a few weeks and even up to a month and then relapse. What I noticed last week was a relapse after my experience of being in two places at one time.
I have a habit of making headway and then sabotaging myself. Being able to be present to what was happening in my current world and also seeing a whole vision of healing happening before my very eyes simultaneously was awe inspiring and brought me to a new level of ability. However, I seem to experience this and then have to even it all out by using food to bring me back to center. This isn’t an uncommon occurrence for me.
Good things happen and I eat because the vibration of good is too uncomfortable. I need the other shoe to drop. Things I deem as bad happen and I eat because food is a comforting friend- or that’s the role I’ve assigned it anyway. I’ve yet to be able to untie the role of food in my life. I do wonder, though, can it be as simple as my dual citizenship experience? I was saying to a friend that when I was told by my mentor it was time for me to be present to spirit while I was doing every day tasks, I thought “What do I need to do? How DO I do this? How do I start?” Then the day I did it, all I did was ask. I asked spirit to join me and do the healing. And it was done.
Maybe all I need to do is ask to be disconnected from my reliance on food for comfort, stability, friendship, love. That might be all I have to do but I feel the resistance even as I type this. As we say in my direct sales business, “Your why has to be bigger than your why not” It appears my why not is bigger right now. When I worked in the drug rehabs the statement was “Fake it ’til you make it.” Faking it doesn’t feel like it will work though. What seems more plausible is asking for not only the release from the ties that bind me to food but something to replace and sooth me like the food currently does. I don’t feel lit up by this but that doesn’t surprise me. I’m almost 51 and food has been so much for me for as many years. I like to come to conclusions when I write my posts but I’m not sure I have one this time. I will do the asking, though, and see what comes of it.