My hips hide and store my emotions. Not only the weight but deep down in the joints I’ve stored memories, emotions and other people’s stuff. My first knowledge of this was doing a yoga weekend several years ago and we were working on the hips and I felt such anger surfacing and I wanted to cry. The yoga instructor came over to help me with a position and when he went to touch me, I felt like I was made of a thousand pieces of glass waiting to shatter.
But I ignore it. Or I try to. Until I can’t anymore.
My hips won’t let me ignore anymore. I hurt. I ache and the emotions are struggling to be released. Thankfully I have ways to do this.
Yesterday, during my energy work, I shared with Sue that I wanted to release what was there. As I laid on her table, I just started to sob. I felt such deep grief bubble up from within me. I had an image of a young me with boulders strapped to my back just loaded down with burdens that weren’t mine. Divorce. Fighting parents. Being the parent as a child. A terminally ill father. Being intuitive in an unappreciative world. I was just a loaded down little kid who internalized this and stored it in my hips.
The first vision was replaced by another. I found myself placed in the softness of a burst open milk weed pod. Yeah- you can imagine the downy softness of that pod. I was rocking like I was in a hammock until I was enfolded in the arms of maternal love and comforted. It was such a caring and nurturing love. I felt safe and divine.
I’d love to say that it was gone when we were done. Instead, it was a day of releasing. Crying. Feeling like shit. It’s not done but I have something for my intellectual mind to wrap around- carrying that which isn’t mine. It’s not the first time I’ve been told I do that. I no longer want to be stuck with it or have it stuck in me. Today’s work is releasing it. I need to release or it will eat me from the inside out. I feel it’s teeth.