I find myself thinking about what Tony Vear shared with me. Tony is a Relationship and Love Coach and I was asking him about relationships and he said to me “It’s about finding out who can accept the love you have to offer.” Ohhhh how that rocked my world! I’ve been living from a world of “who will love me”. Growing up I was the girl that had “such a pretty face if only you’d lose a few pounds”. The unspoken always was that there was something wrong with me. I currently reside in the body of a large woman, a BBW, and I see where society keeps this conversation present. Love stories, dating shows, billboards, magazines, advertisements all scream “if you are thin you will be loved”. I know when I had TV I loved the show Mike and Molly because it showed two large folks who fell in love and this show bucked the norm.
This conversation with Tony shifts the world of love and dating for me. Instead of looking for someone who will accept me (which is how I have been looking), I’ve been empowered to look for someone who is open to the love I have to offer. As I type this it sounds like it should be an “of course!”. However, it hasn’t been. Whether it’s internal or external the messages that I’m not loveable have been there so long that I don’t remember when they weren’t present. So let’s get back to what’s possible.
I haven’t put this to work yet on the dating sites or even in my life. I’m resistant and the concept is so new. I’ve on line dated for years and years. I’ve met many wonderful men along the way. Some I stayed friends with for years. However, I haven’t found the man who can accept the love I have to offer but it’s because lurking in the background has always been “will he accept me?” I think about how this paradigm shift will change the way I write my profile. I think about how it will change the way I vet the profiles I see. It seems to me it will be like seeing the world through a different pair of glasses. After 40 something years of wearing the same glasses, I’m sure these glasses will take some practice. What’s possible is ME choosing instead of being chosen. What’s possible is ME actually manifesting and creating space for a man who is worth of the love I have to offer. That’s pretty heady stuff.
As I write this though, I become present to the question, “Am I willing to accept the love I have to offer myself?” I’ve been on a journey of self-care and love. In fact, it’s something I’ve become acutely aware of in my life because it wasn’t always a given. I don’t think it’s a given for most people. We have a tendency to accept the crumbs in life and I know I accepted crumbs from myself and from others. I have started to accept the love I’m giving myself and I know that will shift the world in which I live. I relish my days off, the time I take to get my nails done, get acupuncture, Reiki and all the other things I do now. So I’m beginning to accept the love that I’m giving myself. I do believe that has opened me up to hear what Tony had to say. Let’s see where this brings me in the dating world. I’m wondering, “Who CAN accept the love I have to offer?” It’ll be quite the special man. That’s for sure! If you know him and know me, introduce us!