My body, like all our bodies, gives me messages if I’m only willing to listen. Recently my very fit family wanted to get together and go for a walk/ hike around a local state park. This park has some hills so for me that means shortness of breath and a reminder of how unfit I am. I begrudgingly said yes in order to spend some time with them even though I wanted to say no. For me, the thought of a couple of hours being reminded each second how out of shape I am held absolutely no thought of joy or fun. It would be like knowing you can’t sing but being put in the middle of a choir and having to sing for several hours.
Well, my body and I manifested my first ever sciatic nerve flair up on Thursday night. I’ve never experienced such pain. Clearly I wasn’t able to walk and with a sigh of relief I now had a reason not to go for this “walk/hike” with my family on Saturday and so I let them know. On Friday, I went for acupuncture and by Saturday morning I was fine. With trepidation, I called and said I thought I’d be going for the walk. My hip was better so I “should” go, right? I struggled with it because I couldn’t justify staying home when they were coming for lunch later and would see I wasn’t gimping around. Yet, I really didn’t want to go. As I said, it held no appeal to me what. so. ever. Then the universe stepped in.
As I was talking on the phone to a friend that morning, I put a plastic bag on my over the door pantry shelving and it fell off the door and down the cellar stairs went cans, boxes and JARS of jam, chutney and capers. There was a mess of glass and said food at the bottom of the stairs. As I looked at it, I knew I wasn’t going on the walk because I had to clean up the mess. I called my sister in tears about what had happened and the mess I needed to clean. I remember saying to her “I don’t know why I’m crying about this”. Then I realized the tears were about something totally different. Yes, I was frustrated but the message was clear. I need to speak my truth.
I KNEW that I was being given a message that I need to speak my truth because it serves me better than just “going along”. It’s been several days since this happened and it still just comes through loud and clear that being true to myself is the path I need to take. Each time I do something that doesn’t serve me or goes against my highest good I add another layer that must be broken down or peeled away. The work that I’m doing is peeling away the layers so adding layers just makes the journey longer. It’s pretty amazing the signs we get when we are open to receiving them. I only wish I’d listened the first time and didn’t have to clean jelly, glass and capers from the cellar floor.