Recently I read a book and it was about a woman who had been kept by older men since she was a teenager. She’d had several relationships with older men who had taken care of her physical needs with clothing, shelter, food and money in exchange for her “company”. As I read it, I had thoughts about how I felt kept by my addiction to food. There is an attraction to it and a hate for it. I’m seduced by the seemingly protective nature of it. When I need to protect myself in some way, I will use food. Whether I need a high or a low, food has come to my rescue. It’s been my savoir- or so it has seemed.
If I dig beneath it, it’s clear that it’s a facade. My love affair with food is a false sense of security. It’s really not my lover, my friend, my confidante. Instead, it’s a panacea, a bandage, a fair weathered friend. Please don’t mistake me. Food, and my addiction, have been exactly what I’ve needed for the time that we’ve used one another. But like any relationship, things change. I’m beginning to see that using food as a panacea, as a bandage and as a fair weathered friend does me no long term good. YES, it served it’s purpose when I knew no better. YES, it was what I needed in the past. YES, I have gratitude for how my addiction and compulsion actually protected me and even allowed me to be as great as I am. It was the stabilizing force in the midst of much chaos. Now, it’s time to pay homage to what it was and release myself from the bonds of it. I no longer desire to be bound by seductive promises that can’t be kept.
I no longer wish to believe the whispers of security or happiness or grounding that food promised in the past because they were fleeting at best. Let me be clear. Nourishing, healthy, cell rejuvenating food IS beneficial. I’m talking about the foods that have offered me the false sense of well being and these include the processed sweets and salts and all those foods that are made in plant rather than coming from a plant. The foods that have whispered sweet promises like a lover who doesn’t plan on fulfilling his promises of the future but who makes me feel good for only a moment. I’m choosing foods that sustain me and meet my needs and interestingly enough, I’ll choose the same type of lover. I don’t think there’s any coincidence here.