My growth partner has shared the words of Geneen Roth with me many times. The basic meaning of what she shared is that you eat how you live and you live how you eat. I’ve heard her (my growth partner) say this to me many times in the past year or so. I got it intellectually but this past week I GOT IT in my bones.
I’ve been in the inquiry about the men I choose to let into my life and date. I was questioning why I’ve chosen who I’ve chosen in the past 10 years or so. Why do I keep choosing men who are unavailable in some way: distance, emotionally or they just plain don’t want a relationship beyond FWB? Last week one of my friends commented that I have men who treat me like shit. Another friend shared she really feels they are men who just don’t give back. These comments and my own thoughts were brewing for a few days. Then I was in the shower and I had a BFO- a Blinding Flash of the Obvious. Holy crap. I choose my men like I choose my food. They might look good, they sound good, and even taste good in the moment but they give me nothing of value in return. One doesn’t feed my soul and the other doesn’t feed my body. I choose to continue to put empty in my life which is why I am never full. I stood in the shower and cried with that realization. Yes. I got it. I eat how I live and live how I eat. No value in those relationships. No value in the foods I choose to eat. I’m not sure where this realization will lead but it’s just another layer that I’ve peeled away.