Walking away

I’ve had so much happening in the past weeks that I want to write and I don’t take time to get here.  Today I’m here in hopes that my fingers on the keyboard will help to unravel something that keeps eluding my consciousness.

I’ve found a few times in the past days that I’ve known when “that last bite” is.  I know the bite  in which I’ve had enough to eat.  You know when you watch babies eat and they turn their head when they’ve had enough. I experienced that.  It was new to be aware of this- or at least newly new for me to be aware of this.  I actually spit out a mouthful of food the other morning because I was clear that bite would be one bite too much.  (I’m laughing at myself because I just found myself shaking my head in dis belief as I typed that.)

This morning, again, I knew when I swallowed that last bite BUT I still had half of my bowl of food left.  I sat there staring. I was transfixed by the good food in my bowl and the call to eat it even though I was sated with what I’d eaten.  As I sat there I pondered why I’d want to continue to eat even though any more food would make me uncomfortable.  I came up with no answers only a desire to put in another mouthful of food.  I decided against that and put the bowl in my refrigerator.

It’s not true to say I came up with NO answers.  I came up with the pat ones of “better get it now because it might be gone later”.  That doesn’t ring true though- I’m the only one going to my refrigerator.  It might have been a young conversation, a habit, a way I’ve been doing things for 40 something years.  As I type this, I’m physically aware that my stomach has had enough. I no longer feel hungry.  I feel good physically by the nutritious food I chose to eat.  All that being said, I’m aware that what was left in my bowl is still sitting in my refrigerator.  No- I won’t throw it out. Those roasted veggies are too good for the garbage. (laughing).

I wonder, do I need to know why I wanted to keep on eating. I feel that I do. I feel that it’s a door that, once opened, gives me greater in-site on this journey. However, I think that because I can count  three incidents in the past few days where I’ve stopped at “that bite”, the answer is getting closer to the surface.  Perhaps that answer lies beyond this next “last bite” or maybe it’s the next one.  I don’t know but I got what I came for in writing this- an answer.

You might be curious what the answer is since you aren’t in my mind.  I now see that the answer is coming.  Noticing this three times in just a few days means it’s getting ready to be revealed.  Patience grasshopper.

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