Party in my mouth

During my last session with Sil, we spoke about how food and eating is an experience.  For me, it’s been something I do and I barely taste it- except for when I do, and then it truly is a sensational experience. (OR sometimes I taste it and it tastes like crap but it’s what I want emotionally… I believe this is why I distract myself from tasting food sometimes.  I don’t have to be present to why I’m eating it when it doesn’t even taste good.)  It happens periodically when I pay attention to what I’ve eaten and my taste buds go wild. I think I’m often eating food that feeds the emotions and really hasn’t a taste that satisfies my taste buds.  Instead, I’m eating to satisfy something else.  I have a butternut squash soup experience that I may or may not have shared. I’ll look and see. If I haven’t, I’ll share it.  So, back to the party in my mouth.

I just made a dinner on the grill.  It was with much anticipation that I cooked.  As I plated, I thought about eating and watching my DRVd shows.  Then I remembered something new I wanted to “take on” was uninterrupted eating.  Actually focusing on what I was tasting.  It was something Sil and I discussed.  She’d shared with me that it’s actually disrespectful not to experience the eating.  At the time, I didn’t get it.  Disrespectful?  She’d said it many times in our conversation so it stuck.

I sat down to my meal, at my table sans music or tv.  I took my first bite and my eyes closed with great satisfaction.  OMG- the tastes were amazing.  At one point as I was eating, I found I’d thrown my head back and groaned.  Yeah- it was a sensual experience.  At that point, I realized fully what she meant when she said it was disrespectful.  I mean- who wouldn’t want to have this experience? This attention?  I actually teared up with this understanding of disrespecting.  That was when I realized what I’d written above.  I deprive myself of that experience so much because I either eat distracted OR I eat things that don’t party in my mouth.  As I was eating this meal, I got to thinking- I wonder if I will fill up any differently because it’s a different “in touch” experience.

Sure enough- my plate wasn’t even half empty when I felt satisfied.  For a moment, I struggled. Do I keep eating?  I haven’t eaten it all?  I haven’t even eaten a lot.  Are you sure you are full?  There are soooo many conversations that I become present to when I listen.  I feel overwhelmed at times with all there is to do and learn.  I have to keep reminding myself it’s one step at a time. One experience at a time- one bite at a time.  So, I told myself if I got hungry later, I could eat more.  I’ll see what happens.  It is such a journey.

About Yvette

I feel one of my purposes is to share my healing journey to help heal others.
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