I’m in my office working and it’s well past “lunch time”. I realize that I keep looking at the clock thinking that I “should” be hungry. I find myself uncomfortable with the fact that I’m not hungry. It’s as if I’m willing the hunger to appear so I can assuage this uncomfortability. I haven’t eaten since breakfast- it’s past the lunch hour- am I ok? What’s wrong? I find myself asking all these questions. Now that I’ve removed the liquid from my band (yeah- haven’t written about that yet) I experience hunger again. I love having that sensation back but now I’m realizing the voices that come along with it. Years of conditioning when lunch is and that I should eat breakfast and just all the crap about how it should go is battling a new way of looking at things. Eating when I’m hungry is a foreign concept to me. (It was foreign to me before surgery as well.) I guess I figured if I wrote about it then I could put it back in its place where it belonged. I’m working on giving voice to my feelings rather than food to my feelings. Oh, it feels so good to be back here expressing what’s going on. I guess I’ll get back to work and then eat when I’m hungry. Ohhhh there’s another voice that comes in “let’s hope it’s not at an inconvenient time”. I just realized one of my go to actions- I better eat now because it might not be a good time later. Very good.
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