Face in the mirror

I’ve been away so I haven’t had a chance to post anything.  Of course there’s lots to say so beware.  I have to say that the scale has become a part of my life again.  For years- probably 15 of them, I did not have a scale.  I threw it out when I realized I gauged my day based on what a number said. I became a number rather than being a human who had a weight.  I decided how I felt based on what that number said. I know many of you can relate.  I remember going to Weight Watchers meetings feeling good and seeing there was a weight gain and then I was so depressed and unhappy for the rest of the day.

Now I weigh myself out of curiosity. Yes,  the number on the scale is also a gauge of whether I’m following the plan.  Ok,let’s be honest.  That’s not really how I see the number. (I love when I catch myself in a lie as I’m writing.)  The number is one of three things.  1) Oh look- the work you’ve been putting in shows.  2) WHAT?  All this work you’ve been putting in and no change? 3) HA!  You’ve gotten away with it! That stuff you’ve eaten hasn’t shown up!  I think those are the three most popular conversations.  Of course my favorite conversation is the “oh- look- there’s the number and it is what it is.”  That’s the conversation I strive for and that brings me to sharing a recent experience.

I was away and ate foods that were not healthy choices for me.  When I returned I expected to see the results of that on the scale- and I did with a three pound weight gain.  I was disappointed but not surprised and the good news is I didn’t beat myself up.  I did find myself looking in the mirror, however, and seeing the face of the person I was before I started this journey.  I did not see the weight loss that I’d noticed earlier.  As I write this, I do wonder if that is a form of beating myself up.  I continued to notice this “before” face for the  next days. Fast forward three days.  I step on the scale again and I’m actually down three pounds from the before my trip weight. (So, six pounds down in three days.)  Obviously I’d cleansed all the salt and travel from my system by getting back to normal routine.  That morning I looked in the mirror and I see my thinner face again.

WOW!  Here I am, once again, dictated by the scale.  I looked and obviously the face I saw before and after stepping on the scale was the same one but how I saw it was different based on what the scale said.  I don’t want to be caught up in this trap again.  Yet, here I am.  I know this is pervasive and it’s not just me that experiences it but it was in my face (no pun intended) to look at again.  Ah yes, the journey does continue.

Speaking of journeys and scales, I’m over one third of the way to my initial weight loss goal with this journey.  I am, however, not committed to that end number. Since this is a journey we’ll see where I wind up.

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