It’s been too easy

Yesterday I had my second post-op visit with the dietitian so that I can move to raw foods.  Can you say salad?  When I was speaking to her I shared that I’m not having problems with any food I’m eating. In fact, I shared it like it was a concern.  (Shouldn’t it be more difficult?  Shouldn’t I be having problems.  I mean- I ate ground beef with NO issues.)  She laughed and told me it was actually a good thing that I was not having problems.  Then it struck me.

Why do I want there to be challenges?  Well, if there are physical challenges with the band then I’m really restricted and things are out of my control.  Once again, I want this to be easy.  I don’t want to deal with the addiction, I want this to be out of my hands.  I want to be able to look at something and know I can’t eat it because it’ll make me sick.  That is just so odd- and a part of the sickness of addition- or MY sickness of addiction. I do not want to group all people together.

As I got to thinking, I remember the doctor saying “if you give the band the power, this will not work.  You are the one with the power.”   Ohhh how I struggle with that- damn this addiction and addicted mind!  I can only hope that as I work and heal and move forward I will look back at these entries and say “you’ve come a long way, baby!”

Until then, we both get to go through this together. I say “we both” because you are reading this with me.  I appreciate knowing you are reading and that my sharing is out there.  It has a place to go rather than in just my head.  When I worked in a drug rehab there used to be a saying “being in your head is like being in a bad neighborhood all alone”.  When I write, I’m no longer alone.  Thank you!

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About Yvette

I feel one of my purposes is to share my healing journey to help heal others.
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One Response to It’s been too easy

  1. I love these shares… I struggle with eating or not eating or what to eat every day. Not that I suffer anymore… er, maybe a time or two… but mostly it’s about those choices and empowering yourself over the yummy momentary taste, or stuffing something in to quiet feelings… welll, you know. You are making a difference.

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