A week ago, I was giving the approval to start soft foods. Once I had that first bite, it was as if the world of taste opened up again. How can it be that I was fine for almost three weeks on just shakes but I have one meal and my taste buds go freaking nuts? The killer is I’m not physically hungry but my mouth is starving. Those of you who can relate to mouth hunger know what I mean. There’s stomach hunger, emotional hunger and mouth hunger. (at least for me there is)
So, the past week has been a gamut of struggle. Saturday I bought some sweet and salted cashews- they were too much on the stomach so soon after surgery so I actually sucked the flavor off them and threw the nuts out. That is how much I was craving something other than the soft food and shakes. Sunday, I ate a small bag of chips. CRAP- they go down easily. Monday I struggled some more but I ate what was allowed- but more than I’m supposed to. Yesterday I was more in control. Today it hits me- I was freakin’ PMSing. Today there are no out of control cravings.
I spent four days beating myself up. Really- I was crying and really believing that I was going to be one of the many that I’ve heard about who lost weight and put it back on. I was going to be one of those folks. I was going to lose my battle once again. I’ve been in a state of devastation about this. I’ve been writing down what I eat and thankfully it’s dated so next time I’ll be able to see that I’m not going to be a negative statistic. I am going to be one who succeeds.