So yesterday was the lap band surgery. I found myself on the table in the operating room with tears streaming down my face. They were tears of nerves and tears of saying goodbye to a life I knew. I don’t know yet if they were tears of joy. I woke up out of my anesthesia crying as well. I guess I wasn’t done when they put me out so I had to finish on the other side.
I was well aware that my addiction would not go away with the operation. But I will tell you, I got to come face to face with it just hours out of the operation. I became present to the fact that I wanted to eat. I was NOT hungry. I wanted comfort. I just let that wash over me that even though I was sitting there in a hospital room, post surgery, I just wanted to eat to comfort myself. I’d just battled three hours of nausea because I don’t do anesthesia well but I still wanted to eat for comfort.
I entitled this blog “put down your fork and pick up your life” because that’s what I intend to do. I think this journey just got more interesting now that I’m facing a reality.