Yup, I’ve decided surgery is my route. After years of thinking it was a cop out, I’ve come to realize it’s actually a tool. Of course, having the brain I do, once I said it was a tool I began to wonder if I’m rationalizing. No, I’m not. It’s really a tool and, like any tool, it’ll only work if I use it.
Now what, you might ask? Well, now I have to lose 5% of my weight in order to have the surgery. I have a cardiologist appointment, blood tests, regular doctor’s appointment, psychologist, support groups, meetings with the nurses and dietitians, and other stuff I’m sure I’m forgetting as I type this.
I find myself worried and concerned about the 5% weight loss. If it doesn’t happen, my insurance company will not allow the surgery. No questions asked. That’s the deal. I left the doctor’s office two weeks ago with tons of information in my hands. One sheet was the plan of what I would be eating after the surgery. Two protein shakes and one small meal a day. Since it was lot like Medifast which I’d done in the past, I figured I’d go “cold turkey” and do this food plan up to the surgery. If my body did not loose weight on 1,000 or so calories a day, there was something seriously wrong.
Some days have been VERY tough. In fact, I can unequivocally tell you that I hate PMSing. The good news is that when that week of craving is gone a week of little hunger follows. Perhaps that’s the balance.
I lost 2.5 lbs in my first four days. While some would argue that’s water weight, I say- it’s 2.5 lbs closer to where I need to be in less than two months. Then this past week, I weighed in on the scale in the Fishkill office of my bariatric surgeons’ office. When she told me the weight I said “are you shi%%ing me?” I was down 10.5 lbs in two weeks. It’s funny. I still don’t believe that scale. I think that if I go back to the Middletown office, it won’t read the same number. She assured me it would.
This isn’t really a journey of numbers but a journey in my head. It felt good to get thoughts back on the page again so perhaps I’ll be here more. This is where I’ll be able to see successes that aren’t measured in numbers.