Merging my lives

I’m in my 23rd year with Pampered Chef- a home party/ direct sales company.  I’m three years into my Reiki journey.  The call is getting louder and louder for me to do more with Reiki and to figure out how to merge my lives and build this second business.  I’ve spent time recently in the emotion of realizing my identity has been wrapped up in being a consultant with PC all this time.  It has defined so much of what I’ve done and where I’ve gone over two decades.  Then another healer in my life asked me to consider putting that experience together with energy healing.   And excitement ensued!

the path

My friend, who is an oracle and angel communicator, had a vision of a group of healers coming together as someone hosts an event where his/her friends get to experience different healings.  We brainstormed and have a vision of a handful or so of healers (oracle and angel communicator, reiki, medium, acupuncturist, energy worker, aromatherapist, psychic etc) going into someone’s home or event and offering shorter services for those in attendance.  Each person in attendance would pay a set fee and get to experience some or all of the modalities. We also see an opportunity to journal and do some other things during any down time.  The person who hosts this healing event will get the opportunity to earn discounted and free sessions with the healers in attendance.

For now, we are a two woman event as we vet and work with others who might be interested and hammer out our details.  Our vision includes helping others expand their beliefs and knowledge about healing, helping others experience new modalities of healing, and the overall desire is to help others heal and raise the vibration of good.

If you have any interest in this type of event and want it in person, we are in the Hudson Valley.  The beauty of what we do is that it can be done long distance.  Energy and communication with spirits and angels can be done anywhere and sent anywhere.  Please feel free to direct any questions to healingwithyvette@gmail.com

 

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Demons resurface

Recently I had an opportunity to spend a couple of days around a family and a young girl who was larger than other girls her age.  I travelled down a not so fun memory lane.

As we went through the days, it was apparent that she liked her junk food, soda and eating in general.  I found myself observing this and really being taken by what was happening.  As the only child in the situation she was bored out of her skull and eating was something she was doing to deal with that.  There were also many other things I observed and heard and learned that made it clear to me that she was eating for love.

There were many times her eating was being controlled.  What was triggering for me were the words I heard spoken to her.  You know what- it wasn’t the words, it was the tone in which they were spoken that went deep.  At one point I heard “No.  You don’t need that.”  I know. Innocuous words, right?  But that judgmental tone in which they were spoken was what went in and hooked every memory I had of the judgmental tones I heard when I was younger.  When I was using food because my world was so tumultuous and I needed some grounding and a way to comfort myself.  Oh. And these words, spoken to the child were from someone she’d just met within the week who, I could tell, felt she was going to “fix” the situation while she was there.

I know. Adults share their words of wisdom with kids thinking it will help.  What they don’t realize is there are deeper reasons for the eating.  I mean, really. What child wants to be larger than his or her peers and left out of activities, picked last in gym and feel awkward a lot of times with how clothes fit and how they are treated.  Not many, I imagine.

As I spent time with this child, I looked at her and just wanted to transfer what I’ve learned to her through osmosis but I didn’t know how to do that.  Because, God knows, I would have done it.  I tear up as I write this.  As she and I played cards, she kept going to a bag of nuts to get more to eat. I wanted to say to her “I’m curious, is it your stomach or mouth that’s hungry right now?”  But I didn’t.  I couldn’t rationalize being yet another adult who she might feel was judging her.  I struggled to find the words and be the one who could help but I felt helpless. I imagine part of that was because my inner little girl was crying and hurting and feeling as though a scab had been yanked off.   That voice. That judging adult voice who had no clue that all I wanted to was to be held and told I was loved and I was worthy.

So I did what I could in that situation- played some cards with her and did some games to give her some attention that she craved and show her some love and value.  Can I just say there are some times when it sucks to be empathic and emotive and to feel deeply what others feel- or what I imagine they feel. I sit here crying as I write this. I cry for her. I cry for me. I cry for all who just want(ed) something and didn’t get it so fed it with food.  May we all heal and help heal one another.

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Anxiety and Control

Anxiety.  I honestly didn’t realize that I got anxious about things until it came up during one of my energy healing sessions.  The practitioner checked with my body and the message was I needed to look at “being with anxiety”. Huh?

Since that appointment two weeks ago, I’ve begun to notice some of the things I do in order to defer, deflect and delay anxiety. It’s as if the appointment opened me up to a blind spot.  I struggle being with anxiety so I do what I can to make sure it doesn’t happen or I dull it while it’s occurring.

I’m in a relationship where we relate differently to time.  I need to be on time- if not early for things.  I calendar, plan and consider possible delays and challenges so that I’m prepared for all situations that I can consider.  Walter lives in the moment and is often up against a clock and maybe makes things on time.  (I honestly almost left from our first date because he wasn’t going to be on time.)  Recently I was waiting on him so we could leave to go somewhere we’d agreed to be.  I was really present to the anxiety in my body. It was high. I could feel the buzzing. I could feel the tightening in my chest.  My breathing was shallow.  I stood there and thought “wow!”  I’m in the middle of this right now.  Because I noticed, I was able to slow it down, calm it down and be present.

Just yesterday I was in a situation with a lot of new people.  After I finished lunch, I looked and realized how fast I’d eaten.  There was no savoring and very little taste.  I checked in and noticed it was covering the anxiety.  There were a lot of unknowns and things going on at this gathering and I was placating and reigning in my anxiety with my go to soothing agent, food.  It didn’t work and I didn’t feel satiated because I hadn’t enjoyed the meal.

The care taking I do of others is also often rooted in the anxiety or to placate it.  It comes across as care taking of others but sometimes it’s me getting out in front of potentially anxious situations.   If I do something and get it done, then I don’t have to be present for the angst of the other person in not having something done.  It is a form of- wait for it- control!  Yeah, that word! Then the next ah ha was that control is a false sense of grounding myself.  So, as you can see, it’s a merry go round.

merry go round

In order to delay a potentially anxious situation, I take care of something (control it). I think that grounds me.  Underneath there’s still an anxiety because it’s a false sense of grounding.  Then I do something- like eat- to placate that anxiety.  I’ve been practicing being with anxiety in the past weeks.  Ok, I’ve been practicing when I notice it and can get in front of it.  I find myself just noticing what’s going on in my body, breathing, and checking in again.  I’m guessing it gets better with time because now, I just don’t like the feeling and staying with the feeling rather than placating it.

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Proving It

I’ve always been one to express my love through cooking. If you leave my house hungry, it’s your own darn fault.  When I was younger, I read cook books like some people read romance novels.  Then, with the internet, recipe searching on line became my way of doing things.  Now, I find myself recording and watching current and older episodes of Chopped.  I love that show.  A box of mystery ingredients and a set time to figure it out.  Each competitor gives a reason for why they are there.  What struck me is that a percentage are there to prove to others they made the right decision when they chose to become a chef.

love cooking

Often at least one of the four competitors is on the show to prove to the world, parents, family, or some “other” that they can cook and have made a wise life choice to be in the kitchen.  I was struck by this today when I was watching a recording.

Why is it that we seek endorsement by others? All. The. Time.  Ok, maybe YOU don’t but a great majority of our culture does.  Why else would we have a cultural norm to “keep up with the Joneses” Because keeping up is a way of validating who we are and confirming that we are ok and it allows us to perpetuate a cycle of being endorsed by others.  Round and round we go collecting okays from all but the most important person; ourselves.

I know I’m also wrapped up in this.  My ego is stroked by others and acknowledgement from others.  But it’s a short lived high.  And it IS like a high because it dissipates and I need another hit- another accolade- another compliment. There are things that I do and I know I do well and I can compliment myself and be clear in my knowing.  It’s in this knowing that I find peace. It’s in this knowing that I don’t need others to compliment or laud me. I wish to find myself in this state of knowing, more, however.

I’m currently working on building my Reiki business alongside a well established 22 year business as a Pampered Chef consultant, leader and trainer.  I find myself challenged by the lack of “knowing” how this looks.  There is also this “proving” thing rearing its head.  I can feel it which is why I believe I was struck again today by the contestant’s comment about needing to prove himself.  It’s not that I need to prove I can do Reiki. It’s more that I need to prove I can build a business with it.  I can’t yet picture how this will go.  I know the fog will lift when it’s time.

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Journey to Reiki Teacher

I took all three levels of Reiki to be attuned with the symbols. I did NOT take master level to be able to teach.  In fact, when I took Reiki 3, I said “I’m not going to teach.”.  (Mind you- I have a Masters degree in education and I’m a teacher by nature.)

In November of 2016, someone reached out to me and asked me to teach her Reiki.  My response was that we could get together and talk about it and see.  We got together and I said “I’ll get back to you.”  Then I began the process of ruminating.  I really, truly felt that I wouldn’t be a good teacher. I felt I didn’t know enough.   I was steeped in self doubt and it pissed off the people in my life who know me and know my healing abilities.  They were pretty exasperated with my doubt and all the excuses I gave to why I couldn’t teach.  It was humbling to have those around me believe in me so much more than I believed in myself at that time.  We had many conversations during this time as they chipped away at my resistance.  It percolated for months.

Then in January my partner, Walter, and I went to dinner with friends and got talking about energy work and one of the women there said “I want to learn Reiki. Do you know where I can learn?”  I wanted to pretend I didn’t hear it but Walter looked right at me and I had to respond that I had been asked by someone else and was “looking” at putting together a class. I would keep her posted.  Again, rounds of self doubt.  Why me?   And I knew why me. It’s my path and journey to teach and I’m a powerful healer and this is the next step AND I grapple with wanting to be responsible for this calling.  Then came the tipping point.

At the end of March. I was driving to a wake and my phone rang.  Someone I don’t know called and said “I got your name from Trista she said you teach Reiki”.  Ha.. I’d been outed by one of my support people that was calling my bluff and just telling people that she knew the perfect Reiki teacher for them.   In that conversation, as I drove to the wake, it was clear; I was meant to teach. The conversation I had with this woman about her journey and her daughter’s journey and their desire for Reiki, showed me that I WAS ready to teach.  The conversation flowed. I allowed for my vulnerability of not knowing how the class would go because it was my first one.  I did tell her I would get back to her though. Although this time it was because I needed to pick dates and check in with the other two woman who had asked me to teach them.

Sunday, I start my first class.  There are three students.  The woman and daughter who were “the last straw” are not able to make it but I’m clear her part in this whole journey was to push me over the edge.  I’m excited beyond measure. I’m super clear that the folks that are in my first class are perfect for the first class and I’m perfect for them.  I have run into road blocks and stumbled over manuals and things that I need.  However, my spiritual guides have put people, places and things in my path to help me create a robust and glorious experience for these folks.  (Well, in my head it will be and I’m clear it will all be perfect however it happens.)

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What is Reiki?

Reiki is a funny thing. It’s not tangible and to the analytic mind that wants to “know” it can be tough to wrap the brain around.  We don’t question electricity.  We don’t question how we can talk to someone in another state or country via phone and we don’t question how we can push those buttons in our cars and listen to music that originates somewhere else but is now “following us” wherever we go.

How I like to define Reiki is universal energy and love that is focused in your direction through a conduit called a Reiki practitioner.

Like many of you reading this, I need to know.  It’s my safe place- knowing.  Because if I know then I can prepare and be safe.  You know what I’m saying, right?  Who is with me in waiting for the other shoe to drop?  So, it was with that mindset that I went to my first Reiki experience.  The thing was I trusted the person who was the Reiki practitioner.  She was a friend and I wanted to try this “stuff out”.  She told me a little bit about what I might expect but I’m not sure what she told me.  What I am sure about is I laid there the whole time wondering “Did I just feel something?” “Was that because of the Reiki?”  “What is she doing now?” “What is she getting?”  “Is this working?”  Holy schmoly- it was like a cacophony of cicadas in my head. I can’t say I relaxed that first time I had a full session but I went back many a time because I knew at the end something had shifted.

So, let me tell you what might happen.  You might feel temperature change in and around your body.  You might feel tingles- like arm falling asleep kind of tingles or something on a lesser scale.  You might see colors or hear sounds.  You might fall asleep.  You might feel nothing.   There is no right or wrong with what you feel, see, hear or do during Reiki.  That’s one of the hardest things for you analytical right/wrong people out there. (I see this person in the mirror daily.)

When you have a session with me the first time, we will go over all of your questions. It’s why the first session can be up to 75 minutes.  In addition to sharing what might happen before the session, during the session we can talk.  You won’t interrupt the flow of the healing by asking questions and sharing what’s happening for you.

Your results will also vary.  The Reiki practitioner is not the one in control but is only a conduit for the energy you  are receiving.  I know that I always felt calmer and less stressed when I was done receiving Reiki.  Sometimes I received messages and guidance.  And there were times when I knew something was going on but I wasn’t sure what.  What I will tell you is that I went monthly- I kept going back for more.  The difference it made was important enough for me to put it in my budget and then to get trained to heal.

Here’s what one of my clients had to say about being on my table:

I have had the privilege to receive Reiki from Yvette, in person. Her intuition and healing energy are powerful and effective. She provides guidance and wisdom based on my body’s energy that she is guided to share. As a Reiki Master myself, I would not hesitate to endorse Yvette for reiki and energy healing.  ~Trista

You can read more at https://www.facebook.com/Healing-With-Yvette-704623702889693/

Reiki is a funny thing to describe and wrap the analytical mind around. Yet, it works.

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Kupa my spirit cat

More years ago than I remember, the most loving and special cat walked into my life.  Months before, I’d lost Taffy who had been my special girl for 14 years.  I’d said I wouldn’t get another cat. There couldn’t be another cat like her and I was enjoying this cat free life.

Then I went to do a Pampered Chef party and during my demo this handsome boy sat meowing outside the sliding glass door and he came in and loved on everyone who would pet him.  The host said, he wasn’t her cat, his name was Kupa- he was the neighbors but he lived between two houses and they wanted to find him a new home.  I knew he came around that day for me and I came back a few days later to bring him home.  He’d come from a home of many cats and dogs where he was the one being picked on so he enjoyed life as the only cat.

kupa in a box

He was used to being outside but because I lived on a main road I wanted to keep him inside.  It was quite clear that he had other ideas.  Hanging off the door handle and yowling was a common occurrence. I let him outside and he was the only cat I know who looked both ways before crossing the road.  Seriously.  I thought perhaps he was lonely and brought home another cat from the shelter and her name was Nala. Turns out he wasn’t and didn’t appreciate the intrusion but they worked it out and became cuddle buddies.  Then a friend showed up with another baby, baby kitten (Zara) and there were three in the house.

I tell you the cat history because he started disappearing for days at a time and then longer.  I figured something had happened to him or he was just unhappy that it wasn’t all about him anymore.  Then one day, as I stood washing dishes, I looked across the road at a house and saw him in the driveway! They had just driven in and he was standing in front of the car- like he always did when I drove in- with total trust that he wouldn’t be hit.  I thought “that brat!”   I went across the street a bit later, knocked on the door and asked if they had a grey brown cat  “You mean Angel? He sleeps on my daughter’s pillow”  I proceeded with a conversation that he was my cat but obviously he decided he wanted a new home and I asked that they take him if they move and make sure he’s taken care of.  I went home and cried.

Many months later, Kupa showed up at the door.  They’d moved and hadn’t take him.  He’d come back home to me.  He, Nala and Zara lived a great life together and we moved to a new place.  He was once again meowing at the neighbors but they didn’t let him in their apartment.  We moved three years later and he once again found a second home to relax on their porch but he came home to me to be fed and loved and snuggle with his fur siblings.  (Left to right: Nala, Kupa, Zara)

kupa nala zara

Kupa was pure love. People would always say to me. I’ve never met a cat like this!  He loved anyone to pick him up and he allowed me to hold him like a baby.  He’d come running from where ever he was when he heard my car coming into the development.  Even though he always chose two homes- it was the way he’d always lived his life- he was my baby. When I met my partner Walter, he was amazed at the bond Kupa and I had and commented on how “dog like” he was.   Kupa’s health had been failing for about a year and he didn’t get to make the next move with me to Walter’s house.

Spiritually, however, he came here.   Two nights ago he came to visit. I was in bed unwinding from the day and all of the sudden I felt a thump at the foot of my bed and was aware of a grey cat figure.  It walked up the side of my body, bumped up against my knees and then head butted my forehead and kept on walking.   My eyes teared up with grief and missing.  It was fast and at first I questioned the experience- as I often do when I have new experiences- but I realized how fitting  that Kupa has kept up his pattern of living in two places.  I’m blessed he came to visit.  He too has dual citizenship!

 

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