Bullies and betrayal

It’s taken me some time to process what I’m sharing in this writing.  I had to step away from the experience long enough in order to share it with ease.  Several months ago I was participating in a group phone call five mornings a week.  The purpose of the call was to support one another in reaching our goals during a two month period.  In the 30 minute time frame, we each would share what we did and where we had stumbling blocks in the last 24 hours and we’d get feedback.  I’d already participated a few times and loved the concept.  When I started the group, I knew I wouldn’t know all of the other five callers.  That’s the way it was designed.

Day one I had a reaction to the energy of one of the female participants.  Her words, tone and way of being triggered major uncomfortability in me. However, I’ve done enough work to know that was about me and there was a lesson in it for me and it was about sticking it out.  As time progressed, it didn’t get better.  In fact, I felt that I was in the presence of a bully- someone who was willing to share what others weren’t doing but unwilling to look at herself.  One day when there were just three of the 6 of us on the call, I asked her about some of the behavior I was seeing.  Let me say it took something for me to ask because I was so uncomfortable with her.  The funny thing is it’s so rare for someone to make me uncomfortable.  The response was less than good and I left that call wondering what the hell I was doing on these calls. Why was I choosing to start my day in a situation that sucked?

It only got worse for me and I decided I’d leave the group.  Leaving something mid stream is not what I do well because I equate it with quitting.  I remember cleaning the bathroom and crying about this situation because I was so frustrated.  Then I realized something and the gold was revealed.  By leaving a situation that was not benefiting me, I was actually proving to myself that I WOULD and I COULD protect myself.  My younger years showed me that I wasn’t always going to be protected.  My weight has been a way of protecting me from whatever was uncomfortable.  By leaving this situation, I was  able to show my younger and adult self that I would protect me and do what’s in my highest good and not have it be food placated.

So, I took the steps to leave.  I actually called the other woman in the group because I had a good relationship with her.  I told her I was leaving and would tell the group the next morning but I wanted to tell her ahead of time but I asked her to keep it under wraps. Unfortunately, she then made it her mission to make sure I stayed and she failed to keep it to herself but called the person who I was uncomfortable with AND invited me to then call that person.  I was clear, I was being invited into a lion’s den for an agenda that was not in my higher purpose. I felt betrayed because I’d made the request several times for her to keep our conversation under wraps and she failed to do so.  For me, it was like rubbing salt on a wound.  I felt bullied and betrayed and I was super clear leaving the group was the best decision I’d made.

I will say that it was one of the most confrontational, uncomfortable AND growth producing opportunities I’d had in awhile.  The pure gold in it was I was able to show my little girl and the adult in me that I won’t stay in situations that aren’t for my higher good. I have choices. I don’t have to stay AND I can protect myself without using food.  The proof was in the proverbial pudding later that day after the decision was made.  I had to go to a bread outlet to pick up something for a recipe and there in front of me were all the cakes and sugar laden goodies.  I actually stood in front of them and looked and saw some of my “favorites”. What happened was miraculous for me.  I didn’t want it.  I looked at it and it held no interest for me.  By taking care of myself in other ways, there was no need to protect myself with food.  Score one for Yvette.

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